don't read it out loud!

  disclaimer: a short au. " Jay, apa kabar? Udah berapa lama ya aku ga nyapa kamu kaya gini? Terakhir waktu kita naik kereta bareng, ceritanya traveling. Aku masih ingat banget topi yang kamu pake hari itu, warna hitam dengan logo brand kesukaanmu di tengahnya. Kamu juga pake kaos oasis yang kata kamu waktu itu paling nyaman untuk naik kereta siang hari. Sebenarnya aku masih gak paham maksud kamu, tapi kamu ngejelasinnya serius banget jadi aku manggut-manggut aja karena kamu lucu. Ga ada korelasinya tapi yaudahlah ya? Aku ingin ketemu kamu, Jay. Ingin main gunting batu kertas dengan kamu lagi kaya waktu itu. Aku cuma menang sekali, jadi aku hanya bisa menyentil kepalamu satu kali. Kesal sedikit, tapi karena kamu lucu jadi gapapa deh. Ingat ga, Jay, habis itu kita makan es krim? Kamu pesan rasa pisang dan aku cokelat mint. Saat aku tanya kenapa kamu selalu pesan dessert apapun dengan rasa pisang, jawabanmu karena pisang lambangnya bahagia. Jujur sekali lagi aku ga paham, tapi kamu ...

i'm a coward. loser. party pooper. and everything bad you could mention. i won't say i'm depressed but that's how it is. it's everywhere i blink and everywhere i breath. it's in my bed, they won't let me up sometimes. it's in the way i reject every offer i got. it's in the way i said that i'm scared to speak up my opinion. it's in the way i compliment my friends. it's in the way i barely posted anything on my instagram. it's in the way i don't clean my room. it's in the way i cut off communication with my highschool friends. it's in the way i laugh the loudest at class. it's everywhere. my friends would say that i'm such a sleepy head and a lazy ass after. "hey let's go out, it's not good staying in your room every single day! we'll look more like pigs." and of course i replied with a no. but they forced me to say yes. in d-day, i would disappear in my room, no lights on, no foods for the whol...